The Tired Brain

I know I have been gone for a long time in blog-units.
As of the moment, my internet connection is still pending to install - so basically I am still in the middle of the move into my new nest.
Aside from that there were two exams, my long standing visit to Stuttgart (where I have lived for more than 13 years) and some things I probably don't remember anymore.

Oh but there was one which I am very proud to share of :D
With 21 I finally got my licence - practical exam on the first try :p

So here is for the thoughts of the day: the tired brain. Enjoy

Closing my eyes I can feel the instant ache over my right eyebrow, as if somebody is knocking on my skull, wanting me to wakeup even if I just closed my eyes for a second.
I am short sighted, so that's probably one of the reasons, but I know, I can feel that this is one of the days where my brain is telling me it will decompose any minute now if I don't find a way to relax it.

Relaxing is hard. It's the most comfortable thing in the world, yet it is so hard to achieve.
Power yoga, speed napping, zen furniture to stimulate relaxation. It's a business and behind a business there has to be an idea thought of.
I can't even relax, when I was younger I thought this thought was going to bring me further. Because I was so eager, and could endure more than others were willing to put themselves through- I thought I was going to reach my goals sooner and THEN I could relax.

Things don't go as planned. I could not just decide to fast foreward my investments. 10th grade secondary school, burnout. As a high school student, not an adult with a full time job.
I still kept pushing, thinking I was just looking for an excuse to be lazy.

Five years down the road, I am certain my brain n heart were trying to tell me, to slow the fuck down.
Lucky for me, my haste looked like absolute enthusiasm to my teachers and professors, not complete horror.
My brain didn't meltdown, I didn't die of a heart attack yet, but I feel tired.

Anticipating that I could not look at myself from an objective angle, I started consulting a psychologist (which I recommend anybody who feels in their guts, that there is something they don't feel right about themselves AND it makes them unhappy)
It really helped me. I found a calm, in the knowledge that I give up the steering wheel, self control in a consultation room, where someone I don't know personally will actually listen to what I have to say, what wires through my brain.

It was not yoga or zen that helped me, it was coming out of my cozy comfort zone aka controlfreak position.

As part of the therapy I sit still for 3 or more minutes, just becoming aware of my surroundings, feeling but not moving at all; 
It may sound like BS to you, but sometimes it feels calming to remain still, if everything keeps moving around you.


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